Jane read something that she thought was very interesting. At first she simply nodded to herself and agreed that it sounded like truth. Later, though, she thought of it again and actually started paying attention. That's when she realized that it didn't just sound like truth. It WAS truth.
We are the stories we tell about ourselves.
Simple statement. You might read it and agree that sure, we tell stories about ourselves and we are in those stories and so it's not a great leap to think that we are the stories. And then you might wonder why Jane is so taken with this statement. Maybe she did not have enough coffee and is feeling a bit muddled.
But, wait. Think about it again. We are the stories we tell about ourselves. Not "we are in the stories we tell" and not "we tell stories about ourselves". No, no, those statements have quite different meanings. This one, "we are the stories we tell about ourselves" goes deeper. It goes beyond telling what you did on your summer vacation or what happened at the grocery store. This statement is about how we define who we are and how we keep ourselves in that role. Sometimes it's deliberate but often it's become an unconscious habit or maybe an excuse or even a defense.
Since it's always easier and more comfortable to notice behaviors in others before we admit to them in ourselves, consider the people you know and what stories they tell. And then consider how often they tell those same stories. And finally, consider the reason.
Maybe you know someone who tells stories about how they mess things up. They can't do anything right! Why, listen to what happened last week or last month or last year. Listen to the stories of how they can't stop making mistakes.
Or maybe you know someone who tell stories about the great hurt they received in their life. This hurt was deep and it was significant and you know this and you listen to the stories with patience and kindness. But as time goes by and the years go by, you wonder when this person will put aside the stories of the great hurt and start to tell the stories of new adventures and maybe a new love.
Jane thinks about people she knows and she realizes that she knows their stories. She knows them very well. She has heard those stories again and again and she would be surprised to hear a different story. Delighted? Yes. Because Jane knows that hearing a different story would mean the story teller had moved beyond the security of the role...however negative...they had created and that they were ready to try on different roles and different stories.
That was the easy part. Now think about your own story and how you tell it and how you live it and how you even (this is the hard part) clutch it tightly to you because it's what you know. There's comfort in what you know, even when you do know, somewhere deep in your heart, that it's not a very productive kind of comfort. Think about that the next time you offer up a story about yourself.
Jane is thinking about her own stories. Is this the Jane she wants to be? The Jane who sits down with her friends at dinner and, if the conversation heads in a certain direction, tells the story they all know? Or does she want to reach out for different stories...the kind that make her friends lean forward, their eyes sparkling? The kind of story that makes them listen. Really listen. The kind of story that makes them learn something new about Jane.
The kind of story that makes Jane learn something new about herself.
We can be the stories we tell about ourselves. Or...we can tell stories of what we are thinking and dreaming. We can tell stories of what we are trying and experiencing.
We can tell stories of what we can be.
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