Monday, February 20, 2012

Forgiveness

Forgiveness does not come easy. Jane isn't sure it really should be easy. Sometimes what holds the most value is what we achieve after a struggle. True forgiveness holds a great value, indeed. And true forgiveness has nothing at all to do with the flippant exchange of "sorry" and "don't worry about it". Because you know what? True forgiveness comes whether or not the apology is offered.

That's the part that involves a struggle. When we have been hurt, when we have been wronged, it's a comfort to wrap our righteous indignation around like a secure blanket. After all, we were the ones hurt, right? We were the ones disappointed or crushed or abandoned. We should wrap up snugly and wait for the sincere apology.

But what if it never comes? No matter what we might wish, sometimes people do not regret their actions and they do not want to take responsibility for the hurt they caused. We can wait, wrapped up against further harm. We can wait, wondering if they will ever come and ask our forgiveness. We can wait...forever.

Well, sure. Technically we can wait forever. But how does that serve us? If we are so filled with waiting and hurt and the need for that apology and anger and sadness, how exactly does that serve us? Jane realizes that anyone in this position might feel entitled to those emotions. She knows this as well as anyone. She also knows that if she allows herself to be filled with those thoughts, those feelings, the hurt and resentment and the waiting for something that might not ever come, she can't be filled with something else.

What else? Ohhh...lots of things. Joy. Wonder. Peace. That's a big one, peace. Enthusiasm. Possibilities. Yes, possibilities sums it up nicely. Jane has a favorite affirmation that talks about possibilities.

I rejoice in my unlimitedness and know that before me lies the totality of possibilities in every area.

Wowza, Jane thinks every time she reads that one. Wowza. Unlimitedness! Totality of possibilities! But if Jane limits herself by clinging to that which she can't ever change, how is there room for all those possibilities?

Of course there isn't. That's where forgiveness comes in. Something that Jane learned is that forgiveness does not mean what someone did was okay. It's not the same as saying you don't mind about the hurt and the betrayal. This is not about going up to the other person and telling them everything is super duper, thanks, and golly gee you wish them well. Nope. This is about acknowledging the pain and then letting it go. Releasing it. Making room for all those wonderful possibilities.

Forgiveness does not mean the other person isn't responsible for his or her actions. Forgiveness means that those actions are no longer going to fill you with sadness and hurt and pain. You don't like what happened, you wish it had not happened, but it did. Nothing can change that.

Forgiveness is a choice. It's a deliberate choice and it is not easy. But to move on fully, to embrace whatever wonders the universe has in store for you, forgiveness has to take over the hurt in your heart.

Jane wants to rejoice in her unlimitedness. She wants to be filled with the totality of her possibilities. Forgiveness is a challenge, Jane admits, but the reward is far greater than clinging to the cloak of sadness.

When you forgive, you in no way change the past--but you sure do change the future.
~Bernard Meltzer

It's your future, Jane realizes. What do you want to fill it?

1 comment:

  1. No truer words have been spoken. The pain of the hurt cannot be overcome without forgiveness.

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