...and then Jane promises to stop. Truly.
But this has to be said and it kinda sorta relates to the previous disgruntled ramble about long vowels and excessive sympathy when a bit of you-go-girl enthusiasm is what's needed. Now Jane realizes that it's hard to tell what is needed. Isn't that the challenge faced when dealing with anybody at any time? Still, it seems like a good general rule that telling someone (repeatedly) that they look tired is never the best option.
Yes, that's what this mini-rant is all about. And it applies to everyone, not just Jane and not just people going through major life transitions who might be considered prickly if not downright difficult. Telling someone they look tired does nothing at all for them. Nothing. Not one blessed thing.
Jane has had recent experience with this exact situation.
"You look very tired, Jane."
"Ah. Well, um...thanks for your concern. I actually feel fairly perky."
Now let's just pretend the conversation stopped there. It did not, but let's pretend that it did. Jane would have walked away feeling a bit concerned about her apparent fatigue but not overwhelmed by the desire to race to the nearest store and buy facial restoratives. She might wish that her friend did not need to always point out how tired she looked. Maybe she would try to put more spring in her step. Still, the issue would have come and gone and Jane would have continued about her business still feeling fairly perky.
What actually happened was that after Jane's response her friend continued to point out how tired she looked. Several times. Several times too many, in Jane's opinion. This becomes awkward very quickly because there is no response to repeated comments on your level of fatigue. If you keep pointing out that you feel just fine, the conversation spins into something that is nearly an argument about how you feel. Absurd? Indeed. A gymnastic Jane might leap and bound into a few handsprings, just to prove her point. That seems unnecessarily extreme, though. A tolerant Jane will try to change the subject and will remind herself that this friend is prone to such behavior and Means Well. A frustrated Jane might point out that her friend's hair is looking unusually limp these days and wonders if she is getting enough nutrients in her diet.
Blogger Jane will not own up to any of those strategies, though she will point out that she is not gymnastically inclined, that her tolerance for that comment from the same friend far too many times in recent months is dwindling and that it was shamefully gratifying to watch her friend walk away with a hand stroking her hair and a concerned expression on her face that had nothing to do with Jane's supposed fatigue.
Yes, it must be said. Jane is human. But, really? Who doesn't feel tired when told they look tired, even if their energy had been humming along at its proper level?
It's a silly thing. A silly, petty thing. But that's what mini-rants are all about. Jane suggests that before you become the Means Well friend who points out fatigue (real or imagined) every single time you see someone, you stop. Think. And check your hair in the mirror. Might it be looking a little limp these days? Jane thinks it might.
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